A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it eing his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whisper to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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Wednesday 24 January 2007
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large rish; you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind. Can I ask you anothe question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
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A fat girl went into a café and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream covered with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. "Would you like a cherry on the top?" asked the waitress. "No, thanks," said the girl, "I'm on a diet."
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One day after school, Eugene went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to but a watchdog for his mothe's birthday. "How about this one?" said the salesman pointing to a cage with a scrawny little poodle in it. "Are you kidding?" said Eugene. "That dog looks harmless." "Yes, but he knows karate," said the salesman. "Watch." The salesman pointed to a huge cinder block & shouted, "Karate the blocl!" "Imediately, the poodle struck out its paw and with one blow s,ashed the block into two pieces. Next, the salesman pointed to a metal chair, then commanded, "Karate the chair!" Once again, the little poodle crushed the chair with a single blow. That night Eugene brought home that poodle and showed it to his father. "What kind of watchdog is that to give to your mother?" asked Eugene's father. "What good is he?" "But Dad, this dog knows karate," said Eugene. "Oh, come on," said his father. "Karate my foot!"
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The Gangsters by Rob N. Steele My Life in Crime by B. Hind Bars
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Beauty & the Beast
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Monday 22 January 2007
Jensen Ackles Supernatural
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Smart Dog A German shepherd went to a post office, took out a black piece of pape and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely tolf the dig: "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied: "But that would make no sense at all." Smarter Soldier A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time until the general arranged to ahve the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and filled out a form stating he's discharged from the army. The soldier picked up the discharge sheet, smiled and said: "That's it."
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~ Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones ~ There is a girl crying at the end of every party ~ Nobody makes Cup-A-Soup in a bowl ~ You never know where to look when eating a banana ~ The most embarrassing thing in school is to call your teacher mum or dad ~ It is impossible to look cool while picking up a frisbee ~ Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited ~ People who don't drive clam car doors too hard ~ There's a panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you get your hand or head stuck in something
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Friday 19 January 2007
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Thursday 18 January 2007
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Wednesday 17 January 2007
wad exactly is a fren? it's someone whom u trust a whole lot, someone who would never think of backstabbin' u in all sorta ways, ain't it? i mean, think of it... frens r supposed to be there for u when u need them badly, share secrets & stuff together... look... i didn't get the chance to come down for training revision schedule on Monday cuz i've a date with Republic Polytechnic, ain't it? it was e institute's openhouse & i considered it one of e world's vital things to do by gracing e event by my presence.. haha.. so, as i was sayin, the revision we cadets r supposed to do was to go thru e different knots & lashings for e oncomin' promotion test.. i didn't get e chance to attend cuz like i've said i was at e institute browsin' thru all over e building for e sake of my future education.. so for some reasons i told e others that i can't attend.. so, then i went off after givin' ma file of notes to ma mates... ma partner in crime, mostly known as my AOIC, had told me his reasons as to why he had to leave halfway thru e training.. & i'm reasonable, very reasonable.. i thought that my not bein' there, e squad wud do their work as i've expected them to, but no.. a couple of stragglers still had e time to study Chemistry in e cafeteria during training itself, & not only that, i've loads of witnesses from other CCAs saw it, isnt that embarrassing? worse still, someone can even write in his/her own blog that neither e OIC (that's me) nor e AOIC was there full time. he/she still got e guts to say that our CCA is pretty hopeless & that he/she'd like to quit halfway even bfore e passing out parade.. wad'd u say bout that huh? now listen here.. u noe whu u are, if ur readin' this that is... i don care a damn if u wanna scold me names & stuff but if it's bout sumthin' that i'm not at fault at i'll make sure that u get e worse of it both me & my AOIC have perfect alibi as to why we werent there for trainin' u wrote that e AOIC went off halfway, & u admitted that u did e same thing u wanna talk bad bout us make sure that ur not wad u accused us of dammit i thought u were a fren we thought u were a fren yet u did this to us to people whom u first made frens with from e start of our freshman year thought u could treasure sumthin as precious as that i don wanna any apologies stuff but remember this: wad goes around, comes around believe in retributions learn from ur mistakes, after e last "SUEING" business, ur doin e same thing again adios old pal
