||`**`|| ♥...SoRRy'S nOt GooD eNougH...♥||`**`||

i'm sorry Pugsley..
i can't fight anymore.. my feelings got the better of me.. how can i go against him when she used my feelings against me? she said she can tell that i loved him, that she'd give him up for me.. how can i accept that, when i noe how he felt bout her? when they got together, i can't say anything against it, i juz don have e heart to. he's my fren, my best buddy, i cant see him hurt.. all i ever wanted was to see him happy.. as long as he's happy, i am happy.. i walked away from that confrontation in school juz now, u told me once, i should fight for love but i juz can't do it.. i'd give anything to have you here Pugs, i'm growing weaker, i need a man by my side.. i told them, i'm cool with all these, i want it to stop, i can't be bothered with it.. he asked why am i walking away? i can't answer that, because the truth is, i can't bear to see him with her.. she's juz not the one for him.. u noe, weeks ago, when i saw him hurt from the conflicts between them, i felt hurt too.. it wasn't fair for him i noe, it wasn't his fault. if anyone's to blame, she should get it. i was sick to my guts when i got to noe that she's seein sumbody else, his fren, when they're still together.. i pitied him, it's as if i can feel his pain.. i dunno, Pugs, but it hurts to see him hurt.. it hurts more when i got to noe she said that should they break up, she still have that other guy to fall back on, but he won have anyone there for him.. then a nice fren said my name, she said would he be happy with my kind of girl.. i was wounded, was it fair for me? i swear i never laid a finger on her, e most i can remember was i did helped with her revisions.. i don mix around with her that much cuz i don want to.. yet, she claimed that the nice fren was e one who started on the conversation that had me involved & my negative sides was the topic.. i mean, come on, get real, only my close frenz should noe MY negative & positive sides, so wad does SHE noe bout me? when i was walkin away from the confrontation juz now, she screamed from behind me, "Why don u admit that u love him?" i retaliated that whether i love or not, that's my business, i never did tell her anything bout it no matter how much she guessed.. wad she said later on, i didnt really get it, cuz i was fighting back tears, keeping them to myself.. i can't even look at him, deep inside i wanted to fight for my rights, but i didnt mainly because i dunno how he would react once he know wad she said bout me & stuff, would he still be there by my side like he did all these years or continue doin his gal's bidding..

God, Pugsley...
i wasn't strong enough to fight for my love.. i let u down, i remembered every single thing u told me before u left.. ouh, why? why must all these happen to me, Pugs? wad did i do to deserve this? had i ever wronged anyone? i noe i'm no angel, but u noe me best, i don talk unless u talk to me first or there's sumthin important for me to relate.. so, dear God, help me go thru this ordeal.. u never did tell me bout ur feelings for me.. my mistake, i should have never let u convinced me to talk bout my life.. or maybe i do, i dunno.. Love is such a complicated thing to understand..

i'm posting this only for u Pugs. i can't send a copy of this thru Jaz's hotmail account.. it's too private.. so, i'm hoping & prayin that u'll be able to read this Pugs. & for God's sake, please get urself an email account so i'm able to communicate with u, i don wanna lose touch with u, i can't take this anymore..
i'm leaving for my Geography trip tomorrow, i noe u'll be busy with ur job wherever u are.. i guess all i can ask for now is for u to be healthy, safe & happy always..
i'll always love u

Down Goes Another One